I wish I was at home, someplace in the future, with Anshin already.
I really wish I had someone to hug and bleed my heart out to.
I'm really glad I have someone who understands,
even if she's a million miles northeast of here.
Ne ne, if I became a stone, would it hurt anyless?
Or would it hurt more, because I would be stuck forever in the same place, unable to move, while the whole word eroded me to dust?
It's very hard for me to talk. I can't get out the words, and I feel like such a fool whenever I stutter or slip on a word. It's better to remain silent.
Even when the noises around me are driving me to insanity; like a drill locking a screw into a block of wood.
I can't help but think, "if i say something, they'll call me a liar, or that i whine too much." As long as I'm silent, no one can say I'm lying right?
Like my grades, if I mention my C more than once, they'll give me a look that says "ungrateful bitch, you have other a's, be content!" It doesn't seem like they'd care even if they knew, that that C on my report card, makes me feel like such a failure. I don't have that much, even if people think I do. They look at my computer and married parents and lunch money, and grades, and drawings, and think I am very blessed.
But, if I could, I would trade it away for something else.
I only have those grades, those A's, they're my future. They're what people at colleges and workplaces will see and think, "my, what a smart girl!" that C... they will see that grade, and think badly.
I feel like I've failed.
And what makes it worse, is no matter what grades I get, I'm called out for. I'm either too smart or suddenly a center of ridicule because i didn't get top score. They abuse me, but then beg for my help, my papers, for their own selfishness.
People are so two-faced.
Whenever I wish for silence, for solitude, for peace, there's someone with a passion to destroy it. But when I want someone to pick me to be their partner for something in class, I am left to make an odd group, or forced to work by myself.
It's so noisy, little noises, big noises, voices and sounds everywhere. They never shut up, never quiet down, like it's impossible for them to stop moving their bodies, their hands, their vocal cords.
And it makes my head throb in so much pain, I have to fight back tears.
but if i say something to make the noise quit, they call me a liar.
Any injury, suddenly is a lie.
Like I can't feel pain unless I'm bleeding and screaming.
Then with this, comes that feeling of being so selfish.
I don't care what people think, but still, if they think something, they definitely won't let me be alone.
I wish I were stardust
Brilliant, beautiful, small, and forever fleeting, but always the same, because dust is what is left of something else.
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Tired
<---You 
